“Oh this child is standing there on his own. What could you do when you see a child on their own while other children are playing together?”. Children often respond with, “we can play with them.” This presents a wonderful opportunity to give them ideas for the words they can use to make “we can play with them” a reality. For instance, saying “I’m Rafa, I’m playing family, would you like to play with me?”
Modelling Appropriate Behaviour
Rafa started greeting people because it is something he has seen and heard us do. Now he does it regardless of whether we do it, and we encourage him to do it even though he gets disappointed that very few people acknowledge him. What are we teaching our children if we can’t take a moment to acknowledge someone else’s humanity?
I understand the concerns around stranger danger but surely, friendly greetings as you enter the same school building reduce that risk.
Stranger danger can still be taught, while showing our children the best of what humanity and human connection offers.
Discussing Diversity Meaningfully
You may have seen the message, “you need to be more than non-racist, you have to be anti-racist.” Rafa’s encounter with his friend ‘Susan’ demonstrates why we all need to be actively anti-racist.
If you think your children are too young to have these conversations with, I ask you to please reconsider this stance.
Conversations on why we look different are simple enough to have with children. “We come from different places.” “Our bodies have a substance called melanin that affects our skin colour, some people have more melanin in their bodies, and some have less.”
This could also be a wonderful time to add some diverse books or music to your collection, and to meaningfully diversify your social groups.
It is absolutely possible to spend time working on these skills and having these conversations with your child and ensuring their material needs for this new and exciting chapter of their lives (and yours!) are met.
We can spend 30 seconds acknowledging the humanity of another individual in the presence, or not, of our child and still manage to find the best lunch box.
Dr Vanisha Mishra-Vakaoti has a background in Psychology and Social Research. She predominantly works with children and young people in the Pacific. She is mumma to four-year-old Rafa and partner to Patrick. Originally from Fiji, Vanisha moved from Australia to Dunedin seven years ago. You can follow her on Instagram @vanisha_mishravakaoti .
