Why is it bad if babies ask us for comfort?
Comfort to me is a word of hope. Comfort is what I’ve attempted to give my babies through developmental leaps, teething and illness. Comfort is what I’ve tried to achieve with my breasts, with bottles, dummies and cuddles.
Comfort is what we offer those we love, and comfort is what we expect others to offer us at a time of need.
“Comfort” is when I find my children distressed, and I lift them up in my arms, hold them tight and give them reassurance. Comfort is when their upset resolves as their need for emotional support has been met.
Comfort is when they exhale sharply with that last sob; as I stroke their cheeks and whisper that I’m there for them.
Comfort is love.
The majority of parents would never question giving their children comfort during the day, so what changes when the light goes out? Why do we suddenly feel that comfort is something children aren’t entitled to?
At night it gets dark, there are shadows. It’s the end of a day with constant influences and new impressions which leave imprints on a developing brain. Relaxation doesn’t come easy to an overstimulated child.
When I was pregnant, I promised myself to be the best mother I could. I don’t remember ever thinking that I’d be a supermum during the day, but at night I’d check out. I knew that parenting was a 24 hour commitment. I knew that growing a child from an infant, to a confident adult would take all my devotion and I knew I would be exhausted at times.
What I didn’t know was that as adults we can use the “comfort card” as an excuse to ignore our children’s needs during the night.
It saddens me that we are so ready to dismiss the emotional needs of children as soon as the lights go out….
Sofie Thomson is a writer, breastfeeding advocate and (breastfeeding) peer supporter from Sweden, now living in the Scottish Highlands with her husband and children. Since completing her degree in Child and Youth Studies, she has focused on encouraging parents to follow biological norms and trust their natural parenting instincts via her blog – The Gentle Mum. You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
